Why You Can't Relax: 3 Tiny, Science Backed Habits To Break Free From Stress
- Lydia
- Dec 11, 2025
- 6 min read
Updated: Apr 1
Word count: 1524
Once, stress served us as a protective state. Today, it mostly just gets in the way. Some of us (me included) are deeply conditioned to react intensely to stress. I am on a journey to change that.
In this post you will likely learn something new about stress because I have gone to lengths to explore the physiology. Progress and healing often require a deep understanding of something. You can’t master something you don’t understand.
Once we understand the physiology of stress I’ll share a few really effective habits that can help you get a hold of yourselves before you become like the lady below.
What Is a Stress State Really?
We often say “I feel stressed” but it’s more like a state. Stress literally affects every cell in your body and changes the way your body behaves.
It starts in the brain, then produces chemicals that swim around your body via your blood. These chemicals stick to various body systems using things called “receptors” (imagine little docking stations). Once the chemicals dock they change the way that body system behaves. Viola, stress state.
The two chemicals that drive stress states are: 1) adrenaline 2) cortisol
I’m not really as concerned with adrenaline in this article, as it’s more of a quick sudden response and this is about chronic stress. Instead, we’ll focus on cortisol.
Here’s how cortisol works step by step:
Amygdala receives raw sensory data from emotions like anger, fear, shame which are interpreted by the brain as danger
Hypothalamus tells your body to release cortisol
Adrenal glands (sit just on top of your kidneys) make the cortisol
Cortisol enters your bloodstream and travels around the body
Cortisol receptors bind the cortisol to body tissue
Body tissues begin to behave differently
Hypothalamus constantly monitors blood cortisol
A brain signal tells adrenal glands stop making cortisol once blood cortisol levels are “too high”
Balance is restored
STRESS FACTS
Adrenaline is made from dopamine. Dopamine is made in the brain, your adrenal glands and in the gut.
We all respond differently to stress. The intensity and duration of the response is unique to you. Often, it is based on genetics, trauma (especially in childhood), and environment but it can also be the result of habit.
We can “train” our brains to respond more or less to stress by fighting the stress loop with things like breathing exercises, music and thinking about happy memories
How Stress Affects Body Systems
Cortisol affects every organ and body system because cortisol receptors exist in practically every cell in the body.
Here’s a diagram:
Modern Life and Chronic Stress
Our environment has stress built into it. Robert Sapolsky’s book Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers explains how modern day life encourages stress - it's a very enlightening read!
Chronic stress is literally killing us early....it also murders our drive and our joy in parenthood.
Did you know that we can make it worse? Dwelling or ruminating and not pulling out these negative patterns of thinking...will cause your body to fall into a stress response. Not only that, this response will last longer than a “threat-triggered” stress response like a surprise.
Even 5 minutes of rumination can make your blood cortisol rise for 1-2 hours. This resets every time you ruminate again.
Can you see how easy it is to spend your entire day in a stress state? Parent's who imagine the future a lot are especially high risk.
Unless we make a designated and prolonged effort to keep calm, we are likely living in a state of moderate stress.
Results of Chronic Stress States
Here’s some long term effects you may not know about buy which are kinda scary
Hippocampal shrinkage - The physical size of the hippocampus shrinks after chronic stress and also results in poorer prefrontal cortex function.
Lower back pain - caused by “muscle guarding,” an involuntary protective tightening of the muscles around your spine. Muscles contract as a way to prepare for impact, long after the danger has passed!
Damaged teeth - high stress can trigger teeth grinding for some people which happens during sleep. It can also cause serious jaw issues from the clenching.
Weight gain - cortisol encourages the body to store fat, especially around the liver and organs.
Type 2 diabtetes - cortisol causes increase in blood glucose which in the long run can cause insulin resistance
Eczma and psoriasis - cortisol slows processes like skin healing, collagen building and hair growth. Over time this means it can worsen existing conditions, and cause flare ups.
Change genetic expression - There is growing evidence that shows stress chemicals can attach tiny chemical markers onto your DNA. Sometimes these changes are passed to children, making them more susceptive to stress.
I feel stressed just thinking about the effects of stress!
How To Break The Biological Loop
In paramedics, military and other high-risk professions, “Stress Exposure Training” helps shorten the stress response by telling the body it's safe.
Here’s what they do:
Vagus nerve stimulation
Tactical breathing (box breathing, 4-4-4-4)
Cold exposure
HRV biofeedback
Progressive muscle relaxation
Eye movement desensitization basics (bilateral stimulation for nervous system downshifting)
Three Techniques You Can Do Right Now
I’ve gathered five super powerful habits which are designed to be immediately effective, and you can do them wherever you are, right now.
One: Swap rumination with Happy Memories
“Once you let your past decide how you experience the present, you have destroyed your future.” - Sadhguru
In “Inner Engineering” by Sadhguru, he explains how ruminating about the past, and worrying about the future are the same thing as trying to exist in your memory or your imagination. Neither are “real” Neither exist. The faster you can come back to the “now”, the faster you can break out of a rumination cycle.
What better way than to break out the happy memories. Look at photos, videos and feel your stress levels decline.
Habit 2: Physiological Sigh (Andrew Huberman)
Basically this is a double inhale, followed by a long slow exhale until your lungs are almost empty. Even just three breaths is enough. Interestingly, the body naturally creates this breathing pattern during a good cry.
Deliberately breathing like this is a unique but powerful way to “force” your sympathetic nervious systems to shift back into a calmer state.
Watch more breathing techniques from Andrew Huberman here: “How to Breathe Correctly for Optimal Health, Mood, Learning & Performance.”
Habit 3: Paramedics - “Glove Up”
In paramedic training, they learn a repetitive physical act and actively tag it onto a stress response. Over time, this teaches their brain to “add” the extra step into their stress response, effectively breaking it... Here’s what they do: whenever they hear a crash / bang / scream they carry out one simple act: putting gloves on.
This creates an interruption and provides the paramedics time to think, take a breath and consider their next steps.
You may want to think of your own way to “glove up” but here are some ideas: taking a ring off and putting it on again or putting on a pair of glasses, keeping a small “token” item like a marble or sensory item in your pocket and take it out to fidget with it.
Final Takeaway
Stress is a biological warfare waged internally
Modern environments are built to drive stress up and keep it there
We can teach our body to stress less
We are not entirely powerless, but we are not in complete control either. The daily stress you experience is not a moral failure. It’s not by your design.
By making three simple, immediate habits, we can train ourselves to react less to stress. Over time, these adapations rewire our brain, and give us power back over our mood and energy.
References
Akça, Z., Chang, S. C., Goyal, A., Lazarou, M., & Sutton, P. (2025, September 3). Epigenetic Inheritance of Trauma Across Generations: A Review of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Epigenetic Mechanisms, Challenges and Implications for Today’s World. OxJournal. https://www.oxjournal.org/epigenetic-inheritance-of-trauma-across-generations/
Harris KM, Gaffey AE, Schwartz JE, Krantz DS, Burg MM. The Perceived Stress Scale as a Measure of Stress: Decomposing Score Variance in Longitudinal Behavioral Medicine Studies. Ann Behav Med. 2023 Sep 13;57(10):846-854. doi: 10.1093/abm/kaad015. PMID: 37084792; PMCID: PMC10498818.
Lucassen PJ, Pruessner J, Sousa N, Almeida OF, Van Dam AM, Rajkowska G, Swaab DF, Czéh B. Neuropathology of stress. Acta Neuropathol. 2014 Jan;127(1):109-35. doi: 10.1007/s00401-013-1223-5. Epub 2013 Dec 8. PMID: 24318124; PMCID: PMC3889685.
Sharma K, Akre S, Chakole S, Wanjari MB. Stress-Induced Diabetes: A Review. Cureus. 2022 Sep 13;14(9):e29142. doi: 10.7759/cureus.29142. PMID: 36258973; PMCID: PMC9561544.
Thau, L., Gandhi, J., & Sharma, S. (2023, August 28). Physiology, Cortisol. In StatPearls [Internet]. StatPearls Publishing. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK538239/
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