Why You Should Experiment With your Children

To get my son to focus, I needed to try a different strategy

Different Strokes for Different Folks

In the journey to raise the little humans in our care we often find that a tried and true method doesn't work with our child. Why?

Children come pre-packaged with their own unique temperaments. Just like a vibrant box of crayons, some are bold and assertive, while others are soft and sensitive. Parents get to embark on a fascinating journey of discovery to decipher a child’s emotional landscape.

For example, my son, Benji, thrives on explanations. He needs to understand the "why" behind a request before readily complying and can be easily motivated by reward. My daughter, on the other hand, embraces her independence with a side of sass. Explanations and rewards are meaningless. Instead I find that reminding her of her own desire to improve in a positive way gets her on board.

The Challenge For Parents

We can't simply ask for advice or read a book or copy someone else's parenting style to understand our own children. Ofcourse it's important to read, listen and gather information! That is how we gather inspiration and ideas to bring back to our own family. Also, we might start out by expecting a child to mold themselves to our methods. Sure, we could persist and they might eventually comply. But it might take a long time. And if there is a faster way to motivate your child, wouldn't you take it?

Take a really well run company for example. A lot of good things need to happen: strong communication lines, honesty, fairness etc but a really good leader also takes the time to find out what motivates and demotivates their staff. They then apply that knowledge. Not only does this help get work done better / quicker but it makes their own job easier.

See the benefit? When we spend a little extra energy figuring out what makes our kids tick - we are rewarded with knowledge of how to 'unlock" our childs strengths and avid triggering their weaknesses. Parenting with a little strategy requires more effort up front, but less energy in the long run.

Be Mindful of Sensory Sensitivities:

• If your child isn't connecting with something you want / need them to do, consider whether they are sensitive to stimuli. Check their reactions to noise, bright lights, and other sensory inputs or ask them if something is bothering them.

What to do? Experiment

Here's an example of how experimenting with different methods can really work. Recently, I was reading to my 5-year-old, Benji, and as usual my attempts to make the book exciting failed. Each sentence was a struggle. He'd loose interest.

My frustration suddenly bubbled over and in a moment of weakeness I huffed "Fine, no story then! Time for sleep" and began getting the bed ready for him. After a moment passed, I knew I’d missed something important. Checked myself, took a breath and tried again. Also I didn't want him to go to bed on a sour note.

I told Benji to give me a moment to go to the loo then quickly threw some prompts into Chat GPT. Wonderfully, a term "hyper focusing" came up and explained that for Autistic kids, it can be really hard to focus on someones voice if there is something else holding their attention. So I realised he couldn't really hear my voice at Storytime.

I went back in the room and asked Benji if I could try again. I then tried something new: no pitcures just voice. Now that he couldn't see the book, he was able to focus on the words and actually ended up enjoying the story! Since that moment, I have begun reading Benji in this manner - reading a page then showing him the picture afterward.

It was still such a win to get to understand him better and it was all thanks to some timely information and a strategy change.

Here's a little infographic to help you discover new motivators & strategies to try with your children:

Motivation Strategies Guide Infographic

A Final Word on Strategy

Regardless of our techniques & strategies, there are some foundational things all effective parents practice first and foremost - above all else:

• Respect

• Open, honest communication

• Stay connected - always let them know you are on their team

These are the foundations for trust and children always learn best when they know that they can put their trust in us to be a safe and secure place for them to learn from.